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Top Questions of our Time Series: Sex
Slam bam thank you Ma’am or Mr.? That’s some people’s method and it works for those who mutually agree they want a quick fix. But for most people this is not the method of choice. So, why is it that this is so prevalent? The reason for this could be that American culture is simply not accepting of sexuality in general and that is why sexuality leaks into what many consider to be ‘shadow’ areas, such as pornography, strip clubs, and prostitution. Carl Jung, one of the founding fathers of psychology, would definitely label sexuality as the shadow side of our culture. For most people who watch or visit these areas, it’s not something they discuss with their acquaintances or even their family and friends. In fact, the actual act of having sex with a person is not discussed too openly in our culture. Alfred Kinsey was one of the first and most famous people to openly discuss this cultural issue in public. Sure, sex is flashed in our faces on TV shows, movies, and advertisements, but few people actually openly discuss the act of having sex with another person.
For whatever reason that is, this is an article that is going to discuss one of the top questions of our time: What is a great way to have sex, even for those who are inhibited. I am going to explain a term, I am certain I am not the first to use it, or explain concepts like it, however, I have not seen the term before. That term is Mindful Sex. Mindful sex involves slightly slowing down in every aspect of the act of sex, from creating the setting, to the foreplay, to the actual act of sex, whatever you consider that to be. The following is the gist of it:
Setting:
This part is not necessary if the act of sex is spontaneous in any given moment. If it is not spontaneous, sometimes it is a good idea to set the setting. When creating the setting, whether you are lighting candles, putting on music, or preparing special lingerie, moving slightly slower than you usually would. As you move slower begin to pay attention to your senses. If you are lighting candles, notice what you are lighting it with, is it a match, a lighter? Notice what the flame looks like, how it moves, does the candle have a smell, if so, take a moment to inhale it. If you are setting up special lingerie, take a moment to feel the lingerie. Is it made of silk? How does the silk feel? Are you spraying perfume/cologne on it? Take an extra moment to inhale that. You get the idea, with anything you are doing, move slightly slower and take a moment to pay attention to what you are seeing, hearing, smelling, feeling, and tasting. You do not need to think about any of this, just notice your sensations. If you notice you are thinking about something, notice that and then simply bring your attention back to what you are sensing. By moving slightly slower you have the opportunity to do this and in return make the process more meaningful and enjoyable.
Foreplay and Sex:
Some people consider foreplay to be sex, some consider intercourse to be sex. So I am putting them together because these ideas apply to both of them. There are many aspects to foreplay and sex and different people will have different variations on what they like. The tragedy of it all is that most people, having not felt free to discuss sex in public and they have only relied on what the media has influenced them to think about how sex should be. While they’ve had sex, they have never freely explored it on their own. Some people like to start out with oils and massage, some people like to start out with kissing all over the body, while others are into more fetish areas such as acting out a fantasy of being ruled over by a dominant figure of some kind (e.g., dominatrix). As far as fetish goes, this goes as far as our imagination can take us.
As you practice Mindful Sex you will give yourself the chance to discover what it is that you really like and you will begin to feel more comfortable communicating that to whomever you are having sex with, even if that person is yourself (i.e., masturbation). Here is the gist:
As you begin to practice mindful sex, it is important to remember one thing: Whatever it is that you are doing, do it slightly slower than usual. This does not mean go in slow motion, it means just go slightly slower than you would think to go. As you move slightly slower, you give yourself the opportunity to really be there in that moment and notice things that you may not have noticed. If you are giving a massage, you get to feel how the person’s skin actually feels, is there a scent to the oil? If so, inhale it. If the oil is edible, take an extra moment to lick it and truly taste it in your mouth. Look over your partner and take a moment to take in all the little nuances of the person’s body. By slightly slowing down, you also allow yourself to relax a bit, and this not only helps in making this a richer experience, but also helps reduce anxiety if that is an issue (e.g., being overly sensitive or premature ejaculation).
You can apply this in every moment of sex that you find yourself in. For example, when you are giving oral sex, go slightly slower and notice the smell and taste involved, feel the texture of the other person, is it soft/rough? What does the person’s vagina or penis look like? As you go slightly slower you’ll find that it is not so difficult to notice these things and it will draw you deeper into the experience and give you the gift that you have not been privy to experience in the past.
Ofcourse, you can apply this to intercourse as well. No matter your gender or sexual orientation, there is often some sort of sexual intercourse involved. It is important to let your partner know that you want to go slightly slower this time in whatever way you feel comfortable communicating that. As the intercourse begins, notice the sensations you are feeling. All parts of you are experiencing sensations from your head to your penis or vagina to your feet. If you find yourself thinking about something, notice that you are thinking about something and gently bring yourself back to your sensations. If you find yourself judging your self or the other person, just notice that you are judging and gently bring yourself back to your sensations.
Gifts:
Paying attention to your sensations may also broaden your horizons on things you want to do. Maybe you notice that while having intercourse that you are not tasting anything so you decide to taste your partner by kissing or licking him/her. Maybe you want to smell your partner more to bring in that sensation. Maybe you open your ears and begin to hear what the sex you are having sounds like. Maybe you’re now noticing for the first time what other areas of your body are being touched during intercourse besides your penis, vagina, or nipples. You might just discover an erotic area of your body that you had not noticed before (e.g., back of the knees, toes).
Having mindful sex is simply a teaching and a suggestion. If a spontaneous act of aggressive sex comes out and it is not a slightly slowed down process, than that is Ok too. This is simply an opportunity to broaden your awareness about yourself during the act of sex and deepening the richness of your experience. Of all things we have to experiment with on this planet, this is surely one of the top. So, responsibly, go off and try this out, have fun, and broaden your horizons! You may just find that sex is a far more sensual and sacred experience than you had previously imagined.
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penis enlagement excercises
What may surprise you is the penile size that you believe your woman wants, is the penile size that may actually determine the success (or failure) of your lovemaking!
So, if you want to satisfy the subtle need of your “Madonna” to be totally filled, fulfill the compulsion of your partner to be completely taken, , and embrace your lover perfectly Everyday, read on!,
Firstly, what do you think is your penile size? And how do you rate when compared with other men?
Some of the latest available information shows that the average size of the male sexual organ ranges from about 2.5 to 4.5 inches (6 to 11 centimeters) when flaccid, and 4 to 8 inches (10 to 20 centimeters) when erect. While different surveys may show slightly different results, generally, they do give us an idea of where we stand in relation to other people.
Another survey, in 2001 of 300 men aged between 18 to 25 years, shows that the average length of a man’s erect penis is about 5.9 inches (14.98 centimeters). The average girth (circumference taken around the middle) of an erect penis is about 5 inches (12.7 centimeters). These measurements are generally taken from Caucasian men. Asian men are about half an inch smaller on the average, while Black men are bigger by half an inch or so, on the average.
So how do you measure up? And how do you measure up when compared with what you believe your woman wants?
The available information tells us that most women surveyed knows that if a man thinks that his penile size is under average, or even average, he has an underachieving sexual organ. The research and studies reveal that, unfortunately, , most men make the mistake of believing that, when it comes to penile size, bigger is always better.,
In fact, many women who dated men with an abnormally larger penile size found that they could not comfortably enjoy certain sexual positions. These women also did not enjoy their partner pushing their organ roughly and selfishly against their cervix during lovemaking. That’s what we found out from all the research, surveys, studies and literature. , And that’s why we believe we can help you achieve and sustain the penile size that your woman really wants!,
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Unsatisfactory Sex-Life...is an Important Reason for People to Go For “Extra-Marital Relations” or “Divorces”
Introduction
In a Country where using the word “Sex” itself is a big taboo; where anyone talking anything below belt is consider as a “Character Less” person, how can one talk about “ Love Making”? I agree that ours is a country which gave to this world “the art of love making” through pictorial presentation of “KAMASUTRA” but we still hesitate and feel shy, when one is asked to explain those positions. Just look into your “Sex Life” and see if what you are doing in “Love Making” or it is just a “Lust”? Are you having “fun” while making-love or you are just “inviting in” or “inserting in” as “fire” there is not bearable?
This article is prepared with the inputs from 467 people across the country and out-of them around 287 where females and among them 261 had experienced “Love-Making”. Most of these ladies did mentioned that in their married life...it is just “Roll-on; Roll-Off and Sleep”. There is no doubt that “Physical Relations” are important for the long-lasting “love-relations” between couple. Unsatisfactory Sex Life can lead to “Extra-Marital Relations” or “Divorces”. Lets discuss about it. Why “Love-Making” is important? What is the importance of “Foreplay” is satisfactory “Love Intercourse”. After the game is over, what is that a male or female expects from each other? And things like that. Lets being with “KAMASUTRA”.
History...behind KAMASUTRA
The KAMASUTRA history leads us back to the ancient India, between the 1st and 6th centuries (although the exact year of its writing still unknown). Considered by many specialists as the most important and influent book on the human sexuality, the KAMASUTRA (which was actually written by Vatsyayana, a scholar on Indian traditions) is today commonly mistaken as a plain and simple compendium of sex positions, or a manual to the art of sex. Other than that, the KAMASUTRA is a real document of an important part of Indian customs and traditions, showing many thoughts and ideas that still fit in our today's society values.
There are, indeed, descriptions and paintings of sex positions on the original KAMASUTRA. The author Vatsyayana regarded lovemaking as being much more than physical encounter, but also an important spiritual act of love and learning, a "divine union" as the author refers on the book. He considered that there were only eight possible sex positions, multiplied by eight. The total amount of 64 sex positions being called "The 64 Arts".
However, only about 20% of the KAMASUTRA was dedicated to sex positions, and the rest is in fact a compendium on insights about the relationships between men and women and in the ancient India's social and religious life.
The KAMASUTRA only reached the Eastern civilization in 1883, thanks to Sir Richard Burton, who wrote the first English translation for the book. Since then, other two key translations from the original KAMASUTRA in Sanskrit were made: one in 1970 by Indra Sinha and the most recent one by Wendy Doniger in 2002. However, we may find plenty of "unofficial" translations focusing only on the sex positions (and including several positions not listed on the original), specially on the Internet. Most of these versions have little in common with the original KAMASUTRA.
KAMASUTRA in its true Sense
For many people – especially in the Western world - KAMASUTRA is merely a collection of different love-making positions, a combination of acrobatics and pornography. But for the Eastern mind, the true meaning of KAMASUTRA reaches beyond this purely physical interpretation. For them, sex – in all of its forms - is sacred. It reproduces the ultimate creative act, the union of the masculine and the feminine cosmic principles. Sex is the cause of the creation and manifestation of the universe. According to Tantra, sexual intercourse, however trivial it may seem, is sacred, cosmic (even when the lovers do not acknowledge this fact, which is usually the case).
When doing the asanas (the yoga positions adopted for the ritual), tantra seeks to "divinize" the couple and their sexuality. Without this spiritual element, KAMASUTRA and Koka Shastrano wouldn't evoke divine rituals.
These two treatises aim to increase sensual voluptuousness. To this end, they propose several sex techniques, with a focus on love-making positions. In fact, the asanas, or traditional positions for joint meditation, are specific and scarce.
Tao teachers have chosen the most comfortable positions for prolonging intercourse, sometimes even up to two hours without having to move much, for this would hinder interiorization during divine intercourse. They are usually so comfortable that complete physical and mental relaxation is achieved, and alternative consciousness levels, or even sleep, can be reached. The asanas must also favor magnetic interchange of vital energy, and facilitate control over ejaculation and the body's health.
Tantra dismisses (at least at the beginning) the most common position used in the Western world - the so-called "missionary position" (Uttana bandka in Sanskrit), in which the man lies over the woman. This position is rejected by Tao followers because it does not facilitate control.
Famous Love-Making Positions
Genital Sex:
-Missionary Sex Position: The most famous and common position: man on top and woman at the bottom, with her legs spread, there is direct penetration;
-Feet on his shoulders Sexual Position: While man is kneeling, the woman rests her legs on his shoulders;
From Behind:
-Leapfrog Sex Position: It looks like the doggy position, but here, the woman's torso is lower;
-Spread-Eagle Sex Position: While the woman is laid and facing down, the man must be on top;
Woman on Top:
-Cowgirl Sexual Position: With the man lying down on his back, the woman sits on top facing him;
-Reverse Cowgirl Sex Position: The same as above, but in this position the woman faces away;
Sitting and Kneeling: -Black Bee Sexual Position: The man sits on the floor with her hands behind him. The woman sits on top, with her hands on his shoulders;
-Watching the Game Sex Position: Man sits in a chair and the woman sits on top of him, face-to-face;
Standing: -Wheelbarrow Sexual Position: The woman must be lifted by something, so the man penetrates her, standing;
-Stand and Carry Sex Position: While the man, standing, holds the woman, she wraps her legs around his waist and holds on his shoulders.
What is Foreplay and what is its importance in “Satisfactory” Love-Making
Foreplay consists of sexually stimulating activities that usually lead to intercourse. Since it generally takes women longer to physically become ready for intercourse, foreplay is important in ensuring that the female partner will find lovemaking as satisfying as the male. As foreplay intensifies and a woman becomes increasingly sexually excited, she experiences physiological changes: The labia gradually become swollen and turn a deeper color of pink, the vagina secretes a lubricating fluid that makes insertion of the penis easier, and her nipples harden. For a man, foreplay generally strengthens an erection and increases the urge to have intercourse and ejaculate.
Some Basic Techniques Considered as Foreplay are :
Kissing and deep kissing on the mouth and across the body
Stroking the erogenous zones
Fondling the breasts
Nipple stimulation and sucking
Sensual massage
Frottage (rubbing) and digital manipulation of genitals
Oral sex
Strip tease
Lap dance
Body painting
Showering together
Use of vibrators and other sex toys
There is no time limit to foreplay. And some couples routinely engage in foreplay that does not lead to intercourse and ejaculation. However, most consider foreplay the appetizer and intercourse the main course.
In any relationship where sex is involved, foreplay can be almost as important as if not necessary for the actual sex act to occur. Technically I think of foreplay as any activity that occurs as a precursor to the sex act that has the intent of increasing the level of excitement in your partner and yourself or for preparing one another for the sex act.
After discussing about “KAMASUTRA”...”Various Positions involved” in love-making...and importance of “Foreplay” ...lets share what male or female want from each other...after sexual intercourse
Most of the people just sleep over without even asking their partners as how they feel or what they want. As a result they feel dejected and hurt. So, what males like after sex?
After asking many a man what he likes to do after making love, taking a nap topped the list by a landslide, and having a snack came in at second. Now, in a man's ideal world, every woman would get up after lovemaking, prepare a warm snack for her man and then stroke his hair while he takes a long nap. And although there are women out there who do comply with such a request, chances are it won't become the post-sex routine you're hoping for. It just ain't going to happen. Relationships are about give and take, and while giving her an orgasm and taking a nap fit the rhetoric, that's not the way it's going to be.
Recent statistics released by the University of Chicago also reveal an important fact: Married men, and not their single counterparts, are the most physically and emotionally fulfilled when it comes to sex. They say that the feelings of sharing have never been stronger than in the moments that follow sex.
Which isn't to say that both men and women don't complain of spouses who get out of bed too quickly to wash up, or go back to chores, or turn on the TV, or roll over and fall asleep. They just want to talk about each other...not about their kids or relatives etc. It should both of them.
For many men, the loss of an erection after sex can also beckon the loss of a bond, a shrinking and even shirking away. Want some useless words of advice? Try not to take it personally. If your husband's haste to jump out of bed upsets you, therapists recommend looking at the act of lovemaking as a process that can start as early as dressing for dinner and not conclude until you're both emotionally ready to end your intimacy. The word postcoital implies there's something that happens before and something that happens after, and that there is an it. All there is is a whole.
Now, what is that a female want after “Sexual Intercourse”? I can't pretend to know what every single one wants after sex. The desires range from cuddling and talking to being left alone and being fed. But from what I could gather, touching definitely topped the list.
They want to cuddle. It's no secret; just about every woman loves it when her man finishes doing his thing only to flip her around and hug her in the spoon position. That's the goldmine of affectionate actions. Flipping her around isn't even necessary, but chances are that some kind of bodily touching may be. Why? Well, because sharing in a very sacred experience with a woman likely leaves her feeling vulnerable. And something as small as wrapping your arm around her can make all the difference.
They want to talk. Although many guys aren't big fans of the "cuddle," there are even less men around who want to talk once the deed is over. But if she wants to talk, you may have to keep your ears open and listen up. Chances are that she will likely talk about what went down -- especially if you had her yelling out like a banshee. And I'm quite sure that your "stork able" ego will overtake your need for some shuteye when it comes to such a topic anyway.
She may pamper you by saying, “Let's do it again”. If she's still raring to go after the first round, chances are she'll be all over you, doing her best to let you know that the evening call for a second round. Between playing with herself and stroking your penis, you may just find yourself going into round two before you know it. But if you're older and more comfortable in your relationship, chances are that you may not be as easily aroused for round two, and, of course, that isn't your fault. Add that to the fact that you probably did all the work and it's quite possible that your little man won't be good to go right away.
Conclusion
“Love-Making” is a process. There is a beginning...there is Delivery and then there is an end. More than “just” physical, it is an emotional bonding. And let me tell you, if people are going for “Extra-Marital Relations” one of the main reason for that is “Unsatisfactory” Sexual Relations. Even law says that unsatisfactory “sex relations” is a valid reason for divorce. You can make your love life interesting and enjoyable...you just need “imagination” or “innovation”.
Have a “enjoyable” and “fun filled” life. Always be together and love each other.
Looking forward to your comments and feedback.
With lots of love and care
